#Kink negotiation checklist how to
#Kink negotiation checklist update
#Kink negotiation checklist free

There are definitely a number of items on the checklist that I do not offer at all, or that I do not engage in with everyone. In part this is because I have a wide range of interests and skills, but this is not the only reason. You’ll notice on my checklist that there’s a pretty wide variety of activities represented. The combination of answers I’m presented with gives me better questions to ask when it comes time to negotiate. It helps me know where they’re at-are they new to the activity, do they have notes about whether it’s something they only do with people they have particular chemistry with… you get the idea. I ask them to rate: by experience level-never tried, tried but not enough to fully evaluate, or experienced by how much they enjoy the activity-0-5 by whether or not the activity is a limit, a curiosity of theirs, or a valued part of play for them to let me know if the activity is a fetish or something they feel they want to be “forced” to do in order to get over their nerves to try and finally I offer space for notes and questions.Īll of this information gives me a much clearer picture of how my partner feels about an activity, than if they’d simply said, “I rate such-and-such activity as a 3”. In my checklist I ask people to rate each activity in a number of different ways in order to get a more comprehensive idea about how my sub actually experiences each activity. It’s important to remember though that people interpret different terms differently, and one person’s idea of what “medium masochism” is might be wholly different than another’s.Īlongside the long list of activities to be rated, there are often a few ways each activity can be rated. This is so the person filling it out can do so as clearly as possible, and the person reading it can interpret their answers relatively accurately.

#Kink negotiation checklist how to

How to use a BDSM checklist: At the top of most comprehensive checklists you’ll find definitions about what words mean and instructions about how to fill the pages out.

#Kink negotiation checklist free

Feel free to download, edit, update, change, and utilize the list for yourself: It’s not an exhaustive list in the least bit, but I think it’s a pretty good start and it works for me rather well.

My list is based off a few I’ve used in the past, with various bits taken off, added on, recategorized, redefined, and with slightly different options than I’ve found on some.

#Kink negotiation checklist update

I’ll try to update the file link when I think of it in the future. That’s just the nature of this ever-evolving beast. I know I’ll be refining it as long as I use it. Today I’m sharing a BDSM checklist that I’ve put together. Certainly it’s impossible to develop an exhaustive list of things to try, but even still some lists cater more towards styles of play I enjoy, and some are far from useful to me specifically. There are some I find to be too complicated, and others too simplistic. Sometimes I get annoyed that a checklist’s language is different from what I’m used to, or the list comes off as too heteronormative or less than gender inclusive. You can find a bunch of them online, and over the years I’ve found examples which work more or less to my satisfaction. A helpful tool I frequently use with new subs and trainees is the BDSM checklist.